We Build Then We Break
by dvmcas1
Summary: An Emily/Naomi fic set after series 3. They seem to have it all but can their love handle the problems that life throws their way?
1. Chapter 1

***A/N: I had this idea late tonight and for some reason **_**I had**_** to write it. I swear on my life that there will be another chapter of Letters To Emily posted tomorrow so please don't be bummed I'm posting this instead of updating that. Much love to reviewers!***

**We Build Then We Break**

**Chapter One: The Planets Bend Between Us**

Emily rolls over slowly, stretching her legs out, feeling the end of the bed beneath her toes. Her eyes clench shut at first, as if trying to block out the day but then they flutter open because that first sight never gets any less---well just fucking awesome than it has been the day before—and it always manages to take her breath away. Naomi is lying on her stomach, bleach blonde hair fluttering over her forehead because she's breathing out of her mouth and if it was any deeper it _almost_ might be a snore but Emily just rolls her eyes because really? Even that is fucking adorable in her eyes? Obviously so because her hands reach for Naomi without even thinking about it and before she knows it her fingertips are just lightly tracing up and down Naomi's arm. Not really hoping to accomplish anything but just _touching_ because now she finally can.

Never has Emily really thought about someone's _skin_ before and how it can be beautiful and soft and just fucking incredible to touch but then there it is—Naomi's skin and how even feeling it beneath her fingertips makes her stomach clench in unexpected ways and for some reason sometimes it feels like she can't properly breathe because there is just _so_ much to love about her---it boggles the mind. Emily feels Naomi's arm shift slightly underneath her grasp and she catches Naomi start to smile out of the corner of her eye.

"S'nice." Naomi mumbles and then her eyes finally flutter open just as Emily leans down and plants a kiss on her cheek because again---she fucking can and that thought is never going to stop making her smile like Naomi is actually _with _her now and she's actually _allowed_—except now its more like _encouraged_—to show affection.

The kiss to the cheek only makes Naomi smile wider and Emily is never going to get enough of this. Making Naomi smile because it's still the most fucking beautiful thing ever.

Naomi twists over onto her side and the blanket fall off her a bit and Emily is immediately looking down at her chest until Naomi chuckles and chucks her under the chin so that Emily meets her eyes again, "I'm actually up here love, contrary to popular belief."

Emily rolls her eyes because---_whatever_ Naomi can talk all she likes but Emily knows she fucking loves it when she touches them---even more when her mouth is around them

Emily's mind is pulled out of the gutter—well partially because honestly Naomi is lying next to her half naked—by Naomi laughing. She blinks up at her until Naomi shakes her head and reaches over to tug a strand of Emily's hair.

"Your hair is well fucked up." Naomi says with a grin in her eyes.

Emily reaches above her head to find out that _fuck yes_ it is and she probably looks a right mess but that doesn't matter at all because Naomi is looking at her with such open affection and love. Emily starts to straighten it because well, yeah, she has bed head and that's obviously cute because Naomi is grinning but she's always been a bit particular about her hair being perfect. Actually, no—Katie always insisted it be perfect—but some of that has rubbed off and now Emily is obsessed with being presentable sometimes without even really thinking about what she's doing.

Naomi reaches out and stops her hand and looks at her softly, "Leave it…you always look beautiful." Emily feels her heart stop and is glad for the first time that Naomi usually keeps her feelings to herself because honestly if Naomi said shit like that all the time Emily would be swooning all over the fucking place.

Naomi's cheeks turn a bit pink, like that slipped out even though its not the biggest thing she's ever said to Emily but it was so offhand—like breathing—and its like _yeah_ she's just realized all over again that she can actually say things like that to Emily and not feel the urge to run screaming from the room anymore.

With a devilish grin on her face—which is more to stop her from crying because yeah her eyes just welled up with like actual tears because well _whatever_—Emily rolls on top of Naomi and buries her face in Naomi's neck. Before she knows it Emily is pressing soft little kisses all down Naomi's long, slender neck and again it's just fucking _skin_ but it's so beautiful and pale and Naomi is making all these little soft noises deep in her throat and Emily could go on forever doing this, hearing those noises, and kissing this skin and it's a scary thought like jumping off a cliff but honestly Emily will make that leap without a second fucking thought because _this_—Jesus, this is what life was meant to be, right here in this moment.

Naomi's hands reach up and clutch at Emily's back and her fingernails just scrape it a bit but in that moment Emily knows she not just leaping by herself, they're so far in this _together_ that Emily has almost forgotten what it feels like to be lonely or alone or unwanted.

Emily is brought back to the fact that like, yeah she could kiss Naomi's neck forever but really there is just so much more of Naomi to be touched and loved on. Her hands slide down Naomi's waist and grip her hips. She grins against Naomi's ear when Naomi's hips twitch forward as Emily bites down gently on her earlobe.

Naomi's breath flutters out a bit unsteadily and she gasps out, "Fuck…how do you do so much with so little?"

Emily chuckles against Naomi's neck because she has no fucking idea. When Naomi used to so much as look at Emily, she used to get so wet it was like embarrassing and she felt like such a loser because really Naomi at that point had just been looking—actually it was usually a glare but even that had been just—well fucking hot.

Without further warning—because with those little whispered words Naomi has moved Emily past the point of foreplay—Emily slides her hand down Naomi's body and into her knickers. Naomi gasps and chokes out, "Jesus a little fucking warning," but it doesn't have any strength or rebuke behind it because her hips rock upwards onto Emily's hand and Naomi is already like so fucking _impatient_ that Emily can't help but bite her lip because Naomi wanting her is never going to stop being like the hottest thing ever.

Emily flutters her fingers up and around Naomi's clit without actually touching anything for long minutes, just loving the feel of Naomi arching and straining beneath her even though she knows she's teasing a bit Emily just loves _feeling_ Naomi and gets well wrapped up in it until Naomi lets out a breathless, "Bitch."

Emily chuckles and leans down to kiss Naomi long and slow and even this feels like a beautiful gift. Naomi presses further into her and Emily pushes two fingers into Naomi even while kissing slowly. Naomi breathes into her and Emily feels Naomi's body give a slight shudder when she slowly draws her fingers out and then eases them right back in and it truly feels like she's being loved all over.

It's slow and soft and at times Emily feels like her heart is really going to defy like human anatomy and burst open with all the love that's inside it. Naomi comes with a soft shuddering sigh that fills the silence of the room and Emily can't stop watching Naomi as she shudders and her beautiful blue green eyes flutter shut and crunch at the corners. Emily can't stop watching as Naomi's back arches and lifts slightly off the bed and the way her fists curl into the sheets like they're actually anchoring her to the bed.

When her body actually settles back on the bed, Naomi opens her eyes and sighs out, "Wow."

It's so beautiful and Emily doesn't have any words for it except, "I love you so much."

She whispers it again and again even as Naomi rolls her over. She keeps on whispering it even when she feels Naomi's lips mouth it against her thigh.

---

Emily is walking home with a smile on her lips because of the way that after they'd kissed goodbye, Naomi had watched her walk a few steps away and then had come after Emily, grabbed her arm, turned her around, and snogged her again right on the front lawn and when Emily had blinked wide eyed at her after they parted Naomi had just chuckled and said, "Call me later tonight, yeah?"

But it's not til then, the walk home, that Emily realizes with a sudden thought that yeah--it's been like a month and a half since they've been properly together. That thought makes her grin for a second until she realizes what else it means.

She makes a stop on her way home and then she sits there on the toilet thinking _No,no,no,no,no,no,no,no_ the entire time until her heart stops and she sees the little blue plus sign and then she can't think anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: The Tide Began To Rise**

Katie somehow manages to fit her bags under her arm and wrestle the door open with a disgruntled, "Fuck!" Because honestly, someone should've like fucking opened the door _for _her like Emily used to do. Emily should have been bloody shopping with her-- telling her "Yeah that looks nice" and "Yes, Katie, that top does make your tits look mint"

And also-- honestly-- Emily had said it all dramatically at the love ball while like gripping Katie's arms all steady _I'll never really leave you_.

But see the thing is, she kind of has. Always fucking off with Campbell somewhere and Katie can't even begin to figure out if she's actually pissed that her sister's like a proper lezzer now or if she's just fucking jealous that Naomi has taken her away…or worse, that she's like jealous _of _Emily because Emily has something that she doesn't have-- and never has-- someone to love her. Whichever option it is doesn't really make all that much of a difference though because the point is Emily _lied_.

When she reaches their room-- more like _her_ room since Emily doesn't even really fucking sleep there anymore-- Katie tosses the bags on the floor with a loud sigh because really, if she's jealous of her sister now, then she's on her way-- or already there-- to becoming _well_ pathetic. "Shut the fuck up." Katie murmurs to no one in particular or maybe to herself but it's the same difference anyways.

She hears the noise before she can place it because it's been a while since she's heard it. Like a deep breathing in that ends in a strangled high pitched noise. Then the breaths out are all like disjointed and just…sad.

Katie storms out of their room, heading for the bathroom-- where the noises are coming from-- without even thinking because just because Emily has left her doesn't mean Katie's left Emily. The noises get louder and then she's shoving open the door-- not gently-- because she's proper angry now and it just _sucks_ that in like .2 seconds she's back to wanting to fucking protect Emily again even though they haven't even had like a full conversation in weeks.

Emily is crumpled on the bathroom floor and Katie winces for her because it's like fucking _tile_ and Katie has spent long nights hovering over the toilet before from too much drink or pills—knows how much the tiles dig into your knees. Emily glances up blearily—face all red and eyes all weepy and like tragic. Katie leans against the doorframe struggling to make this next question sound calm or something because it's about to come out like she's going to claw someone's eyes out.

"Did she hurt you again then?" Katie also tries to keep the, _I fucking told you so, you stupid cow_ out of her voice but she hears it in the question anyways and sees Emily flinch a bit.

Emily's voice comes out all rough but honest when she says, "No."

Katie can't help but be surprised because honestly, when is Naomi _not_ fucking up in some capacity that makes Emily come home sobbing? Katie lets out a harsh sigh because all that righteous anger that had been building up in her chest now has nowhere to go-- seems unnecessary now.

Emily makes a strangled noise and grips at the toilet blindly. Without thinking, Katie is by her side, twisting Emily's hair to the side, and brushing the little bits out of Emily's face. Katie feels Emily's body like shudder against hers and Emily retches but nothing comes out. Without warning and still hovering over the toilet, Emily starts crying again.

Katie doesn't know what to do with this. Holding Emily's hair while she tosses up-- that's familiar-- like just crying over a toilet isn't. Mostly because she doesn't know what else to do, Katie just rubs Emily's back up and down, murmuring things like, "shhh" and " s'okay Ems" and contrastingly…things like "let it out" and "that's it"-- like Katie is one minute approving of this-- whatever the fuck this is-- and then also hating it.

Without warning, Emily twists round and Katie is the one being gripped by Emily's hands. Katie feels Emily's fingers twisting into the material of her shirt and she just knows its going to be stretched and it like had cost twenty quid-- kind of feels like a bitch for even thinking about a fucking _shirt_-- and just pulls Emily tighter.

They fit together well and Katie thinks if she could hold herself-- like properly hug away her own pain-- this is what it might feel like. She tries not to think of them like that too often because thinking of them as like _twins_-- two halves of one whole-- makes it that much harder when they don't fit together. It's easier to think of Emily as some sort of extension-- or copy-- of herself because that means she doesn't _need_ Emily to be complete.

Katie feels Emily begin to pull away and says, "Don't," before she can stop herself. Emily pulls back anyways and Katie wraps her arms around her own waist to stop them from feeling empty.

Emily-- with tears still coming from her eyes-- just looks at Katie and says, "I stretched your top." She reaches out and touches the material like its something to respect and Katie just rolls her eyes and says, "Whatever, Ems, it's a fucking shirt," even though she'd thought the same thing.

Emily sits back until her back is resting against the tub and she sort of stretches her legs out a bit, with a wince. Without thinking Katie reaches over and just sort of like rubs Emily's knee. Emily looks up at Katie sharply but then just offers her a sad smile.

"You going to tell me what's happening then? Like if I don't need to go kill Naomi Campbell then who is it?"

Emily tilts her head back to look at the ceiling, "Probably me."

"What?"

Katie notices how Emily's hand strays to her stomach and she half-way sits up because she thinks that Emily might be feeling like vomiting. Instead Emily's hand just sort of trembles there at her stomach, while she looks down at it-- like its something foreign.

Katie snaps her fingers in the air in front of Emily's face because like _enough_ of this fucking…_whatever_ because Katie is starting to get really concerned now.

Out of nowhere…no preamble…like talking about the weather, Emily says, "I'm pregnant apparently.

Katie looks over at the box sitting crumpled on the counter and almost slaps herself for not noticing it earlier and then just…

_Oh fuck…_

- - - -

Katie hails the cab that takes them to the doctors-- muttering things about false positives the whole way there(not even sure who she's trying to convince)-- and just wraps her arms around Emily when she leans against her in the backseat of the cab. Katie tries to ignore it when Emily starts shuddering again and just presses a really random-- but right-- kiss to Emily's hair, like she's a little kid.

Katie holds Emily's hand in the waiting room-- while looking at all sorts of horrible diagrams or like womens' bits and pieces from the inside. She nudges Emily and points to one particularly ugly drawing and like kind of chokes a laugh out even though it's not all that funny. A ghost of a smile flits across Emily's face and Katie squeezes her hand harder in response.

Katie walks Emily to the park where they can wait because the doctor had said; _I'll call you in a few hours with the results_. Katie buys Emily an ice cream-- strawberry because it's always been Emily's favorite-- but then watches as it sits in Emily's hands, light pink liquid dripping down the side of the container until it runs in drops off Emily's fingers. Katie throws her rubbish and the unfinished ice cream into the bin nearby and wipes off Emily's fingers with a napkin before they sit on a bench. They watch the people walking by and Katie wonders how the world can keep on like casually turning when everything might be ruined forever.

After a bit Emily leans her head over onto Katie's shoulder and Katie wraps an arm around her automatically-- accepts another bought of crying and not even mentioning that now her shirt is _well _wet on that shoulder and still rumpled from Emily's grip earlier.

The phone rings too soon and Emily stares at it with a terrified look in her eyes. Katie picks it up for her and presses **Talk** for Emily. Even goes as far as to hold it to Emily's ear. She listens to Emily confirm that—yes, she is in fact Emily Fitch. She catches bits of the conversation but doesn't have to guess when the moment is.

Somewhere in between _congratulations_ and _discussing options_, Emily's face crumples and the phone falls out of Katie's hand. And again they fit together so easily, so simply and they're both crying now, both getting the other's shirt wet and Katie thinks to herself that sometimes its not good being the same people because she just fucking _feels _Emily's pain so intensely.

Katie's lungs have deflated and she can't get a breath and her heart is squeezed just as tight as Emily's fists fitting into the stretched out places from before and Katie wonders what those diagrams in the doctor's office would make of someone this broken on the inside.

***A/N: I know that the time is a bit messed up because it usually takes a day or two for the results to get back and not just a few hours but just allow me that bit of creative license please***


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Straightjacket Feeling**

There was a time when Naomi made herself believe that she didn't need anyone. She force-fed the notion, shoving down her throat, willing it to cover her heart but it always ended up settling in her stomach—making her sick. So she spent years like that, telling herself sweet little lies that made it easier to sleep at night and harder to dream of a life when she wouldn't be alone.

Even now, when Emily looks at her sometimes and it's just so _there--_ written on her face so fucking plain and clear—Naomi's heart beats unevenly and her lungs seem to squeeze out all the air and her mind tries to scream _No. I can't._ Those are the times when she wants to run. She feels her feet slapping the ground, the wind rushing by her face because maybe, just maybe, if she ran fast enough, far enough she'd stop feeling like she was falling off a cliff.

But then other times—which are happening more often—Emily will look and she'll kiss and touch and all Naomi can think is _More. Always. Never ending._ Those times are when Naomi realizes that yes; Emily could break her if she wanted to. Emily could smash her heart into fragments, shatter it like glass. All it would take is a few words, _I don't want you anymore. I never wanted you. No more. Never. Ending. _And it's hard. It's is the hardest thing Naomi has ever done—trusting Emily not to say those words.

Because she had believed she was being brave before—not needing anyone—going it alone. Fending for herself. Others were weak, they needed people. But now Naomi sees—or hears, like when Emily whispers, "I love you," softly in her ear like it's a secret—that saying those three words back, meaning them, holding to them…that's courage.

So she knocks on Emily's door, softly and then a bit harder because she's scared of not being heard but she's more scared Emily will open the door and her face will fall and Naomi will _know_. Naomi wonders if there will ever be a day when she's not scared of that. Emily leaving her, not wanting her.

Because it's been two days. Two days since she's talked to Emily. Emily was supposed to ring her the other night. She didn't. It was never said—that they were going out the next day—but since they've seen each other almost every day since the Love Ball, Naomi can't help but feel her breath get shorter and shorter at every call that isn't returned and every voicemail she leaves.

The door hasn't opened yet and Naomi is slowly—without even realizing it, just does it reflexively—preparing herself for the leaving because that's what people always seem to do. Doesn't matter that Emily hasn't done it yet because she's bound to do it sometime and Naomi chokes on the thought that this is that time.

Just when she's about to give up, the door swings open quickly which makes Naomi pull back just a bit. Katie looks surprised to see her but then she also looks sad and of course a little mad—because that's just Katie's natural setting when it comes to Naomi.

"Hey Katie." Naomi pushes a smile because even though Katie is a bit of a bitch, Naomi's got to get through her in order to find out about Emily.

Katie looks behind her—back into the house—as if unsure of what to do or say, "Uh…hey."

Naomi steps forward, "Alright?"

"Yeah. I just---sure." Katie steps back and holds the door open for Naomi to come in the rest of the way.

"Mama Fitch isn't here is she?"

Katie smiles a shallow smile at Naomi as she walks into the house, "No, Mum's at work."

Once Katie shuts the door she turns to look at Naomi and she raises an eyebrow, "Fuck did you dress in the dark this morning?"

Naomi looks down at her purple plaid skirt and the pig shirt she's wearing—she'd been wearing it for Ems really because Naomi can't put on that shirt without remembering what it had felt to have Emily take it _off_.

"What? It's my favorite shirt." Understatement. Remembers that night by the lake, fingers over her skin, Emily kissing the place right below her ear, whispering, "_You're so fucking beautiful."_

Katie shrugs and sighs like there's nothing to be done. "Well I mean—Jesus—purple plaid and a fucking pig, Naomi. I mean I'm all for purple but-- you know-- with like a matching top."

Naomi rolls her eyes, "I'm glad your sister doesn't value the clothes."

"That's for sure; she's as hopeless as you are."

Naomi smiles slyly, "I was going to say because she values what's under them much more."

Katie makes a gagging motions and holds her hands up for Naomi to stop, "Ugh…Jesus that's my fucking sister, you perve."

"Speaking of…where is Emily. I kind of wanted to talk to her."

Katie looks down at her feet and Naomi feels like someone's kicked her in the chest. Emily does that—when she's about to lie—she's seen it when Emily lies to Katie.

"Um. She's been a bit sick so that's why she hasn't called or whatever. She's upstairs now, like, in bed and I don't know if she's up for visitors."

"You two are going to have to do better than that," Naomi snaps.

Katie looks up at her sharply. "Fuck are you on about?"

"If Emily doesn't want to see me, she's going to have to tell me herself. I'm not going to be blown off." Naomi turns and walks up the stairs and Katie follows her, trying to stop her.

"No…fucking, Naomi, stop. Ems is actually sick."

Naomi reaches the top of the stairs and practically throws open the door to Emily and Katie's room. She expected to see Emily perfectly fine but instead she sees a form underneath the duvet on Emily's bed. Emily—she assumes—is curled up in a small ball, covered completely by the duvet. She didn't even move when the door was shoved open.

Katie pulls on Naomi's shoulder, "See, fucking told you. Let's leave her to get some rest."

Naomi turns to go, pulling the door quietly shut behind her—feeling embarrassed that she actually slung it open in the first place.

"No—she can come in." Emily voice sounds small and muffled but both Katie and Naomi hear it. Naomi steps a bit hesitantly into the room and Katie sighs behind her.

"I'll leave you two to it then. Let me know if you need anything, Ems." With that Katie shuts the door behind her, leaving Naomi standing awkwardly near the end of Emily's bed.

With a deep breath, Naomi walks over to Emily's bed and lies down next to her. She puts a hand on what she hopes is Emily's back and gives it a small rub. Emily rolls over and Naomi didn't realize how much she'd missed those eyes looking up at her. Didn't realize how much comfort she got just from _being_ near Emily.

A small smile reaches Emily's face and she blinks her eyes, "You came."

Naomi reaches out and brushes a piece of hair back from Emily's forehead and answers softly—because this is one of those shows of emotion that only Emily knows about, "I was worried."

It's an understatement. Naomi finally feels like she can _breathe_ again because Emily's eyes still show complete and utter love and while sometimes it scares Naomi to death—being loved that much—it also makes her realize that without it she would probably fall apart.

"I'm sorry. I've been a bit ill these past few days. I should've called." Emily looks so contrite, so apologetic and Naomi can't even remember why she was mad.

She reaches out a hand and places the back of it on Emily's forehead. It's a little warm but she doesn't even know what a forehead should feel like—only did it because it felt like something you should do when someone tells you they feel ill.

Emily leans into her touch a bit and Naomi finds herself blathering for a minute about extra blankets and tea and chicken noodle soup but goes quiet when she realizes that she doesn't have a clue what she's even on about.

Emily pulls back and there are tears in her eyes and she says, "I really am sorry." Naomi wonders briefly whether they're even having the same conversation anymore because really Emily shouldn't be crying just because she didn't call Naomi when she was supposed to—for God's sakes she was _ill_. She doesn't expect Naomi to still be angry, does she?

"For what?" Because honestly—it's not that big of a deal.

Emily shudders and rolls over so her back is to Naomi and Naomi doesn't quite know what to make of it but then Emily grasps her hand and holds it to her stomach—pulling Naomi close to her.

"Just hold me for a bit, ok? Please?"

_Always_, Naomi almost says but thinks it sounds a bit too needy and settles for, "Sure. As long as you need." Because that's the truth. She's holding Emily tightly now and she's sure she'll never let go. She'll hold as long as Ems needs her to but she'll also keep holding her breath for the day when Emily will turn around and say.

_You can let go now. I don't need it anymore._

***A/N: I know not much happened in that chapter but it kind of let you see Naomi's insecurities and feelings…hopefully not too boring.***


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Emily sighs and grasps Naomi's hand tighter to her stomach. She feels Naomi press a random kiss to the back of her neck and she holds Emily that much tighter. "Did you know," Naomi begins and Emily can feel her breath on the back of her neck, "that I used to have a stuffed tiger called Stripes?"

Emily feels a smile cross her face and how _ridiculous_ is it that even with everything going on-- everything that's wrong-- Naomi can still make her smile? "Well that's a very clever name."

Naomi leans over to whisper in her ear, "I'll tell you a secret, I wasn't always blonde."

Emily laughs and turns to look at Naomi who's got this silly look of just pure _love_ on her face. "Well I _know_ that, don't I? The curtains don't necessarily match the carpet do they?"

Naomi flushes a lovely pink colour until she just slaps at Emily's arm mildly and says, "Jesus, I'm trying to discuss a childhood toy and you have to go all…you know, sexual on me."

Emily rolls over more firmly until she's facing Naomi and they're huddled up under the duvet, just gently touching, smiling at each other in the shadows and it bottles up in Emily's throat—it really does because right now it feels like she could say _anything_ and it wouldn't shatter whatever she's feeling in her chest right now—nothing could ever make this feeling less than it is now.

Instead she fakes a smile and tries to forget for a second, "Ok, so stuffed tiger named Stripes..go on then."

Naomi smiles, "Anyways, I wouldn't go anywhere without him, yeah? Hugged him when I was falling asleep, took him to school…everything. I couldn't live without that tiger…"

A brief knock on the door interrupts the story for a second time and Emily hears Katie clear her throat out in the hall, "Well, it's like getting, you know, later and Mum is going to be home any minute now so I think maybe you might want to go Naomi."

Naomi sighs dramatically and puts on a pretend pout to which Emily responds, "Oh don't be ridiculous, you'll hear from me later."

Naomi stops faking and really looks apprehensive for a moment, "Will I?"

The doubt is just _too much_ right now and Emily shifts forward with barely a thought, pressing a sharp kiss to Naomi's mouth, "Of course you will," she says like it's a non-issue and sees something like relief spread across Naomi's face.

Naomi rolls off the bed and is fumbling with her shoes when Emily thinks to ask, "What was the story about the tiger all about then?"

Naomi doesn't turn around but just says, "Nothing I was just…. You know, like drawing comparisons or something, I mean…Jesus," she turns around then, "I really need you in my life, Ems."

Emily looks her right in the eyes to mean it a little bit more, "I'm not going anywhere."

Naomi nods, quickly and sniffs loudly like invisible tears were threatening. Just then, Katie knocks again with a warning, "Guys…like, seriously."

After Naomi's slipped out the door and after she's seen her out, Katie walks back up to Emily's room, pushes the door open with one finger and glares at her sister.

Emily sits up, "What's up with you?"

Katie leans against the doorframe and struggles to like calm down because for the smart one, sometimes her sister is just fucking retarded, "What are you doing, Ems? It's been like three days and you haven't even _talked_ to me about, you know options or whatever. Just staying in bed and then lying around giggling and kissing with Campbell isn't going to solve anything."

"You think I don't know that?"

Katie shrugs one shoulder, "I dunno. Do you? Because, this isn't one of those problems that's just going to like go away."

Emily purses her lips and her eyes scrunch up, "Katie…I…what the fuck am I going to do?"

She's seconds away from crying so Katie walks into the room and sits down on the bed. She places her hand on Emily's shoulder, "Maybe we should start with the obvious stuff first, yeah?"

Emily wipes at her eyes even though they're totally dry, "What about this is obvious or easy, Katie?"

"Have you thought about what you're going to tell J.J." Katie watches as Emily freezes at the question, "I mean…he is the dad right?"

Emily snorts, "Don't be fucking ridiculous."

"Yeah, well…then have you thought about it?"

Emily rubs her forehead with two fingers and then pinches the bridge of her nose, "What can I tell J.J.? I mean, he's probably the least equipped person to deal with this, probably go into 'locked on' mode for the rest of his life."

Katie rolls her eyes, "Whatever, if he's that bad why did you fuck him in the first place?"

Emily tenses and looks a little pissed for a second. "J.J.'s nice," she says so quietly it's certainly an understatement.

"Sure but nice or not, any guy is going to shit when they find out they got their gay friend pregnant."

Emily laughs for a second but it sounds a little like hysteria, "Fuck could you picture J.J. taking care of a baby, like changing the diapers, and like…" Emily trails off and it seems like she's choking on her words so Katie moves her hand from her shoulder down to Emily's back.

"Alright…alright. Just calm down, ok?"

Emily looks back up with Katie and there are tears in her eyes, "No, it's just…well like it was a joke, yeah? But I did picture it and I know its impossible but these past few days, lying in bed, gripping my stomach..it's all I can think of."

"J.J. changing nappies?"

Emily gives her a look like she's actually lost the plot entirely and it dawns on Katie, "Oh no…Ems, don't even think like that, ok?"

Emily shudders and whispers, "Yeah, I know. Like I'm too young and it would screw everything up but I just…you know, thought about it."

After that Emily starts crying in earnest and Katie just holds her hand because that's all she can do at this point.

--

Hours later, whispering because their mum really is home now, Katie makes the appointment and tries to ignore the way Emily digs her fingernails into her own thigh until the phone call is over.

Katie tries not to notice the little half-moons that are left over when Emily finally looks like she can breathe again.

Emily's gone all pale and she murmurs, "We're doing this then, not telling J.J., not telling Naomi, just doing it?"

And all Katie can say is, "Emily you have to."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

When they go, its rather comical in a sad sort of way because Emily like puts her hair up and doesn't wear any makeup and for a second Katie wonders if maybe she's trying to look like someone other than herself.

At first when Katie opens the door, Emily flinches and Katie's afraid that they're actually not going to go through with this but then Emily takes a deep breath and walks through the door all on her own and Katie's reminded again of just howdeceptively_ strong_ Emily can be sometimes.

Emily sits down in one of those horrible plastic chairs while Katie goes to give the nurse her name. When Katie turns back around, Emily's looking through one of the magazines on motherhood that's like just laying about in the same place that people come to have abortions and it's so fucking stupid of them to do that.

Katie sits down next to Emily and snatches the magazine from her fingers, "You don't need to be looking at that, okay?" Because honestly on the cover there's some skinny bitch like holding a baby in the air and they're both laughing so happily together, Katie feels she might be sick _for_ Emily.

Emily nods sadly next to her and then grips her hand, _hard_. Katie winces and almost tells Emily to let go but then she just grips back because Emily is her sister and that never fails to mean something in the long run. Because they might fuck each other off most of the time but at the end of the day, Emily is the one person who she feels ridiculously protective over.

When Katie looks up she sees that some woman across from them is glaring at them both rather accusingly. Her stomach is rather large already and Katie imagines if she were walking around it would look more like waddling. And apparently it's a bit obvious why Katie and Emily are here but so fuck her and her self-righteousness because Emily is looking paler by the second and the last thing she needs is some whale making angry eyes at her.

Katie wants to like subtly give the woman the finger but she's not really sure on how to do it subtly or even like…if it's a no goer—doing that to a pregnant woman.

Before she can make up her mind, the nurse calls Emily's name and Katie makes as if to stand up but Emily stays seated. She's staring off into space and her eyes are tearing up a bit.

"Ems," Katie says and rubs her shoulder a bit, "Ems, we gotta go, she's calling your name."

Emily shrugs off her hand and then stands so quickly, Katie rocks back to get out of her way.

"I can't do it," Emily says quickly and she's starting to cry.

"Emily," Katie starts but Emily interrupts her.

"No, I don't think its wrong or anything and I understand it okay? I'm just saying…I _can't_ go through with this."

With that Emily lets out a huge sob and runs out the door. Katie is aware of all the eyes in the waiting room on them and the nurse gives her a really put out look.

"Well, is she coming back or not?"

Katie rolls her eyes. "Fuck do you think," she asks and then grabs her bag, rushing off after Emily.

--

Emily only really knows one place to run. She knocks hastily and then struggles to compose herself because if she's going to come here, she can't do it in tears.

Naomi opens the door, hair fucked up quite a bit and she's obviously just woken up. She smiles when she sees its Emily and then stretches with a huge yawn. Her shirt rides up a bit and Emily can't help but perve just a bit.

"What's up," Naomi says when her mouth is finally closed.

"Just…needed to see you," Emily responds and pushes Naomi back into the house and wraps both of her short arms around her.

Naomi makes a sort of startled sound deep in her throat but she wraps her arms around Emily and pulls her in tight. Emily just lets herself sink into Naomi, into her smell and the way that she softens but just for Emily…not for anyone else.

After a few moments Naomi kisses the top of Emily's hair and then whispers, "Ems, are you ever going to tell me what's wrong?"

Emily tightens her grip just a bit, "What if I can't?"

Naomi pushes her away and looks into her eyes and it's a bit too _much_ and Emily can't help but look away.

"Look, Ems, when I said I loved you outside of the love ball and like every day since then…I meant it ok? So if something's up, I'd like to know about it. I mean, you're not breaking up with me or anything are you?"

Naomi's voice sounds so unsure that Emily shakes her head quickly and tilts up to kiss Naomi a bit fiercely. Naomi pulls her in tighter, gripping the back of her neck as their lips slip past each others again and again until Emily is slowly pushing up Naomi's shirt with her free hand and tangling the other in Naomi's hair.

With a gentle push, Naomi forces them to detach, "Fucks sake, Ems. You can't just like…kiss it away you know?"

Emily blinks twice and tries to keep herself together, "Please Naomi, please just…lets leave it okay?"

Naomi shakes her head sharply from side to side, "No, I don't think we can, Ems. If you're going to be with me, you have to _be_ with me, okay? That means sharing stuff with me, even if it's not pretty or whatever."

Emily starts crying despite herself, "Look, Naomi I really can't okay?"

Naomi bites down on her bottom lip and grimaces, "Fine well, I'm going to go back to bed…"

Emily reaches out for her hand and she knows that she's posturing but she really could give a fuck right now, "No, Naomi please, I still love you, that hasn't changed but I just need you to be here for me right now. Please?"

Naomi grips Emily's hand hard, "I was going to ask if you wanted to come with me. I don't understand you right now and to be honest it hurts me quite a bit that you won't be straight with me about whatever is bothering you. But if you say that you love me and that isn't going to change anytime soon, I guess I'll have to trust you. You're just making it hard for me to, that's all."

Once they're upstairs, Naomi holds Emily while she cries, rubbing her back and pushing aside her messy hair.

"I love you, Emily Fitch," she says quietly, "I just wish you'd believe in that…in us."

Emily wants to tell her that she does, that she's never been surer or anything in her life but she can't. Not when she has a secret that will eventually tear them apart.


End file.
